California Riding Magazine • October, 2012

Horsey Humor:
If Dr. Seuss Went to a
Horse Show

by Bob Goddard

One Horse.
Two Horse.
Smart Horse.
Fool Horse.

My, what a lot of horses there are!
Some are white
And some are black
And some are never, ever coming back.

Where do they come from?
I cannot say.
But, I bet they've come a long, long way!
After all, it's horse show day!

Horsegirl: HOORAY! It is horse show day!

Dad: It is horse show day you say?
Then I must pay. And pay. And pay.

Announcer: Yes you will pay.
Or you can not, must not, will not stay.

Judge: I'm willing to bet
You will soon be in debt.

Dad: How true! How true!
But what can I do?
My daughter is horse-crazy
And my wife is too!

Mom: It is not much
Just write the check
What the heck!

Dad: This is bad and sad.
I am mad and NOT glad.
I am a sad, mad, not glad dad.

Horsegirl: Oh my dear!
I really do fear
My first class is near!

Mom: Be calm
Be steady
Your father will help your horse
get ready.

Dad: I just sat down.
I will not get up.
I will not help the horse.
To move me would take force.

Mom: If you do not help my dear
I will dump out all your beer.

Dad: Of course I will help the horse.

Announcer: Riders enter the ring!

Horsegirl: I don't remember a thing!

Mom: Sit straight
Sit tall
Sit true in the saddle
And do not fall!

Dad: There is no hope for our daughter.

Mom: She will do as I taught her.

Dad: Forty-four horses!
It will be a slaughter!

Announcer: Trot your horses and trot them well.

Mom: Our daughter is doing just swell.

Horsegirl: I want to throw up.
I feel like ... heck.

Announcer: Reverse and walk I say!
Do it now!
Do not delay!

Mom: The judge just stands there!
He will not look!
He will not write things in his book!
Get him out. Get the hook!

Judge: I have seen enough.
Line 'em up. And don't be rough!

Announcer: Here are the placings
Listen up!

First place goes to a man named Gup
He rides a horse he calls "Wup."

Second is for Cindi Loo Who
Riding on "Who Knows You."

Third place goes to Sally and I
Riding double on "Fruit Salad Pie."

Fourth place goes to my friend Mike
He has no horse, only a bike.

Fifth spot is Sam I Am
Riding on (what else) "Green
Eggs and Ham."

Sixth place goes to the girl
Who rides a horse she calls "Earl."

Horsegirl: Cindi Loo Who is ahead of me?
This is not right
How can this be?

Mom: This is not fair
This is not good
Nail that judge to a piece of wood!

Dad: Why whine and cry and complain
and such?
It should not matter all that much.

Horsegirl: I sat straight
I sat tall.
I sat true in the saddle
I did not fall.

Judge: You came in sixth
But should have been first?
It could have been much, much
worse!

I will tell you why this is so
And after that, you must go.

All you did was sit, sit, sit.
And I did not like it.
Not one little bit.

You have dirt on your hat.
Your horse is too fat.
And you spit on the ground like
a batter at bat.
And that is all I have to say about that.

Dad: Emotions run high.
And I don't know why
I think it's time to say good-bye

Mom: We cannot go
We must not leave
We must stay here
Until eight in the eve

Horsegirl: Yes, we must stay
Stay all day, I say!
ONE class alone
Does not make a horse show day!